Becoming a parent often puts a strain on relationships, regardless of what they were like before. Part of the problem is that you have so much less time to spend with your partner than you did before the baby arrived. It’s a lot harder to get out together and enjoy the things you used to do.

Your partner may feel left out and you may resent what you see as a lack of support. But this time, when babies and children take up all your energy, doesn’t last forever. Make time for each other when you can and do little things to make each other feel cared for and included.

Take time to listen
However close you were before the baby was born, your partner can’t read your mind! Both your lives are changing and you have to talk about it. You and your partner need to tell each other what you want and what’s bothering you if you're resentful, angry or upset.

• Be honest about what you need. Do you need a hug, or to feel understood?
• Ask a friend or relative to babysit so that you can have time together, even if it’s just for a walk in the park.
• Share the housework so you can have more time together.
• Share the childcare duties too.

It’s important to talk about how you want to bring up your children. You may find that you don’t agree on basic matters like discipline and attitudes.

Find a way of dealing with these issues without disagreeing in front of your child.

Get some extra help
If you're having your first baby, you may feel very lonely and cut off from your old life. Your partner can’t give you everything you used to get from work and friends. You need other people in your life too, for support, friendship and a shoulder to cry on.

If you feel your relationship is in danger of breaking down, get help. Share your feelings in maya community where you can talk to other new mums in similar situations even by being anonymous.

Relationships with family and friends
Bringing a baby into your life changes your relationships with family and friends, whether you’re part of a couple or single, and everyone’s situation is different. For example, some mothers feel that their own mothers are taking over, whereas others resent the fact that their mothers don’t help them more.

However painful it may be, it’s best to be clear about the kind of help you want, rather than going along with what’s offered and feeling resentful. Your mother is also getting used to a completely new relationship with you and she won’t know what to do for the best unless you tell her.

You may find that your old friends stop coming to see you or that they seem to expect you to drop everything and go out for the evening. This can be annoying, but explain to them how your life has changed. They may not understand the changes you’re going through. Keep in touch and keep some space for them in your life. Friends can be more valuable than money when the going gets tough.